Here I am.
The Real Me. The Me that I thought I would never become. For so long I was someone else, actually I was a lot of people.
I am a weak person, but I am trying to work on that in various ways. In the past I have tried to hide behind various aspects.
My Illness for one: My OCS. I have used it as an excuse for a long time to explain the way I acted in certain situations, why I still acted like a four year old, crying a lot, having trantums, but the real issue is that I have not grown up, and frankly I don't WANT to grow up. I want to be able to have my parents take care of me, I don't want to have to deal with stuff on my own.
God: I blamed him numerous times, and I still do, but I have to realize that whatever the answer of his existence or nonexistence, that I have some part to blame in the way my love life and social life have gone. Not knowing how to deal with people, hiding in a book instead of learning how to read people, how to interact with them, understand them.
I realize all this now because I realize how much life changes, how much things become more difficult, I am nearing the end of my education, hopefully, and the prospect of having to face the real world scares me. My brother is going over to Iraq, and despite me trying to be hopeful, I am scared that I will never see him again, and I realize that I don't know much, and that I may never know a lot of things, but I can at least try to understand myself
