Watched Tru Calling. I loved it. I thought that it was an awesome, and I hope that those bastards at FOX don't fuck this show over like they've done with so many others!
Just got back from a trip to home to see my brother while he was in town, and the rest of my family. *sigh* I miss them already, and part of the time I wish I had gone to ASU instead of here so that I would be closer to them. I fucking hate the Greyhound. I was supposed to take the 615 on Sunday, but when I got there at 6, it had already taken off because it was full, see they are constantly over selling tickets at Greyhound. So I took a 1245 bus today, and let me telling you it was very interesting. There was this extremely crazy lady on the bus. She was crying on the bus when I got on, and I asked if she was okay, and she snapped at me saying "Turn around before I call the cops on you, I don't know who you are. So I turned around and kept to myself for the duration of the trip. But then she started talking to herself, and crying more, and I remembered what happened the last time I asked if everything was okay, so I kept my mouth shut this time. She then moved a row back and this guy came on the bus and occupied her old seat, and started to open a bag of chips and a can of soda, and she yelled "Why do you have to keep making noise and annoying me?" The woman then started saying stuff like "Go away, and move" and I wasn't sure if she was talking to the guy in front of her, herself, or some halluncination she was having. She then tried to tell the driver that she was being "harassed by all these white people". I guess the bus driver knew that she was a regular, and a regular loony toon at that, and just ignored her.
I am also extremely stressed because of my own incompetance. I don't have a job because I waited too long to find one, and now Christmas seems to be getting closer and closer, and I don't know how I am going to get presents for everyone. Projects are just piling up, and to top it all off, I miss my family a lot. I am so stressed that I am crying right now, and when I'm not crying, I am extremely close to doing so. I only have 3 semesters left after this one, and I hope that I can make it through them with my sanity intact. On one hand I don't want to be a college dropout, and also my parents have put a lot of money into my education. On the other hand, I am so stressed that sometimes I don't know what to do. I can't calm myself down. I've just got so much stress
I was so hoping that it would be Cubs v Sox in the series, but their respective curses kept them from making it. Stupid Billy the Goat, stupid Babe Ruth.
I, Grand Master of the Magicks, hereby and forevermore remove both of your curses, and place an anti-curse barrier around the teams, so that next year will be their year.
Today is not about celebrating Columbus. The man who "discovered" America, or enslaved the Indians, or chopped off their body parts when they refused to work. No it's about an excuse for people not to deliver me my TVGuide.
Nice guys don't finish last, they don't finish at all
The title says it all.
What do I not have that other guys have? What makes them attractive to women? It seems that every women is either already going out with someone, is interested in my roommates instead, or aren't dating at the moment which is probably code for "Get away ugly man, I'm waiting for a good looking dude"
Take last night, my roommates struck again, both managing to get in the good graces of two women, and I was on the sidelines, yet again.
People tell me I have to wait, but I am tired of fucking waiting, because so far it seems that waiting has only brought me more sorrow and disappointment.
People tell me that I have to be comfortable with myself. How do I do that? All my life I have been solitary, and yet always yearned for companions to watch TV with me, or to play video games with me.
What the fuck am I supposed to do?
HEY GOD, WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU TORTURING ME LIKE THIS? WHERE IS YOUR LOVE? ANSWER ME!
I really want to give "Tru Calling" a chance, but I have a feeling it's not even worth it. FOX has this habit of killing shows, good shows, and replacing them with some truly Gigli programming.
A Eulogy:
Futurama and Family Guy
Why did you have to die?
Opposite Sex, Firefly, and John Doe
Hey, where did you guys go?
Replaced with Joe Millionaire and American Idol
Excuse me while I take some more tylenol
Now they move Boston Public to Fridays, a party night. Is it next to get the axe?
I hope Tru lives to see a second season
Welcome to America II: Home of the Red, White, Black, and Blue
Ah. The super long post. Have those been missed? If not, too bad.
Violence. Our nations legacy it seems. Starting with the "discovery" of America by Christopher Columbus violence was used to cow the natives into doing the menial tasks that the sailors were too lazy to perform. If the natives didn't comply Columbus would chop off arms, hands, and other body parts. Jump forward to the American Revolution where all the violence that occured was justified because of the goal that it helped to accomplish. Afterwards, we as a nation started to commit that greatest atrocities thus far in our nation against the Native Americans. Seen as less than human they were given the short end of the stick. Violence erupted among the nation during the civil war.
Violence. Violence. It all makes me sick. The racism, the white supremacy, the KKK. There are times where one man can make a difference, but one man can't change the past. As much as I would love to hop in a time machine, and... politely talk to them about the evils of violence... unfortunately I seem to not be immune to violence. It seems that my ends justify the means as well. Unfortunately, time machines don't exist and you can't change a culture already so rooted in violence.
I just hope that the domestic violence and the child abuse stops. That is also part of the legacy. Our unfortunate legacy.
1. What is your definition of school?
2. What is your definition of violence?
3. What is your definition of Justice?
4. What is your definition of crime?
5. What is your definition of School violence?
I am totally stoked about October 30th. Eliza Dushku's new show "Tru Calling" debuts on FOX. She is so hot. I wish I could win a date with her or something!
My parents are trying to adopt a little girl from Russia, and part of the requirements is that everyone over the age of 18 has to be fingerprinted by the INS, so we went to there Phoenix offices not even sure if it was the right place to go. Let me just say that their whole operation is just one giant clusterfuck. First we sat outside in this open air canopy (It was still 110 in the shade) while some very unfriendly security staffers handed out, I shit you not, little bowls that looked like they sometimes carried dog food so that we could empty our pockets into them, then you are led upstairs while you wait inside this little hallway before going to the metal detector which is once again manned by the "unfriendlies" (I think they are an alien species intent on spreading bad vibes) THEN after that line, we were ushered into the information line, which was combined with some other line that led up to the same window, only our line was *shorter*, which really didn't matter cause the stupid bitch manning the one window seemed to favor the other line over ours. Then we finally made it up to the window, and we tried to ask our question, but I guess the only word she heard was "application" gave us a number and ushered to another window and ANOTHER LINE. So the number we had was 570 and they were currently on 562 so we thought it wouldn't be so bad, but then after a while they stopped serving numbers at all. The other thing was that there was only ONE window being manned out of 8 yes eight ones that could be open, and there were about 150 people in this room, it was the worst experience. Fuckers.
Read this in the "Did you know" by L.M. Boyd section of the Local Paper: "Women who marry younger men live longer. Statistics comfirm this" This is Super swank considering that all the women I lust over: Jennifer, Emma, and Eliza are older than I am. I wonder if I could turn this into some sort of non-cheesy line (you'd remember that I recently apologized to women on the receiving end of cheesy pick-up lines). Although, I'm not really sure if there is such a thing as a non-cheesy line *sigh* Back to the drawing board
I want everyone to know that there is a new word. After the travesty known as the Bennifer shit flick due out tomorrow, I have decided to dedicate "Gigli" as the new pop culture savvy word. Gigli now means "Absolutely horrid, putrid filth that should never see the light of day again." Example: I think the programming on Disney Channel is just plain Gigli.
I have a theory that J Lo's appeal is all in her huge ass, therefore I bet that if she sprung a leak, then she would no longer be able to sing (not that I think she can now), dance, or thankfully act. Maybe she'll be reduced to a drooling moron.
Note to Ben: Dump J.Lo, never make another movie with her, and please work on another DECENT movie project. You know like your "Good Will Hunting" Phase.
Couldn't really come up with a snappy or witty title for this post, sorry.
Summer is winding down and another scholastic year rears its ugly head. Unlike some people who would find the opportunity to go back to school and out of their parent's sphere of influence exciting, I don't. My freshman and sophomore year were bad, horrendously bad. I know I should try to think positively, but that is something that I find almost impossible to do. Everything I try to do seems to blow up in my face, and I am getting sick of it. I want stuff to go the way that I want it to. I realize that that is the wish of almost every person on the planet, and I have to realize to I DO NOT HAVE SPECIAL CIRCUMSTANCES.
I haven't searched through my archives, but I am willing to bet that I have said on numerous occasions that I should get real. Give up hope of every making a mark on the world, or of being an actor, or be some twist of fate end up in the arms of Jennifer Garner. I sincerely doubt that I will every my one true love.
Wow, aren't I depressing? See even with the medication, I'm not fine. I'll never be fine.
Don't suppose anyone knows how I can trade myself in for a better model?
I sat through a Disney Channel programming block. Don't ask me why. How much do they pay these adults to act like morons? My parents don't act like that, my principal never acted like that, nobody I know acts like this.
What is the price of dignity? I want to know
Just a post to let you know I still exist and all that good jazz. Oh yeah!
Nothing much going on. Just wanted to let you all know why there aren't a lot of updates lately. Still waiting to hear from this person I know, seeing if we are still friends or not. Why does it seem like people are avoiding me like the plague
Back from my vacation. I don't know if I ever mentioned that. Went to go visit family over in the Midwest. My Grandma has Alzheimers and it was really sad to see her the way she was. I remember the days pre-Alzheimers when she was really with it, but when I saw her she was different. She remembered who we all were which I am eternally grateful for, the last time I saw my Dad's Dad who had Alzheimers and he didn't know who I was, whihc made it even sadder. But my Mom's mom would constantly talk about having to go home and my Grandpa would tell her that they were, and she say "Oh" and then a few minutes later say that she had to get home.
I really hope that they develop Alzheimers research to a level in which a cure or a vaccine or SOMETHING can be found. I don't want to see my parents go through it, and I don't want my kids to see my have it.
Tried getting a job today at a local game shop but they had already hired someone for the summer. I really don't want a job, but I owe my parents some and so they want me to get one. I just want to stay at home partially due to the fact that I am lazy, but also my monumental failure in all areas (socially, mentally, etc) except academics (aside: Got 2 A's 3 B's, 3.4 GPA, .1 away from Dean's list) has made me tired of the real world, and I just want to have another care-free summer like the younger generation before I have to embrace the 9-5 Monday through Friday routine.
Anyway! Take the quick survey! 13 people have already done so, and their answers are amazing. I'd like to hear more!
I apologize to all the women who have ever encountered a drunken guy who's treated them as a piece of meat.
I apologize to every women who has ever had to endure a cheesy pick up line
I apologize to every minority group for the stares, name-calling, and mistreatment that has been deemed upon you by the majority
I apologize to every girl who's ever cried on a shoulder of a guyfriend only to find out that they were doing so in order to get sex.
I apologize for most guys. Please don't hold it against the rest of us, non-Chauvinist pigs. Some of us care
I apologize mainly for the human race: Can't live with it, can't kill it without serving time in prison
The more I stop to think the more I realize that something needs to change. I'm tired of depressing news stories, endless accounts of mayhem, murder, monstrousities. Am I responsible? Are you responsible? Can my actions toward person A affect their reactions to person B and person C and leads Person D to commit a crime? I'm not sure
I am sure, however, of the chain theory. A very firm believer. A affects B affects C. Except my chain theory is more light-hearted, more of a means for me to get the woman of my dreams. Emma or maybe Jennifer. I like to think of it as a "Seven Degrees" type thing, but well I'm probably not that lucky. I'm not a celebrity, so I have a snowballs chance in hell with them, so I still wonder why I even bother dreaming. Someone help me answer that, please
Wow if this becomes incoherent ramblings or something go easy, I just spent the day helping a friend move, and I am wiped.
I found out that some really good looking girls go to ASU, why can't we NAUers be as lucky?
Recently I directed this girl to this site in order for her to get a better grasp as to who I was and what I was about, and later I asked her if she had seen it and she did, and she obviously wasn't seeing me in a better life, she thought that the animated segment was some sort of Porn clip when in reality it was from a Buffy episode, and she also thought the pictures of Alias' Jennifer Garner and Buffy's "Emma Caulfield" were also porn, oh and I used language.
Move out of your fucking caves people and join the 21st century
We are not Puritanical America, we swear, and yes others do to, I like women, the racier pictures the better, and *gasp* other guys do as well (some girls too, but that's a different story). I am tired of censorship and prudishness brought on by these goddamn people who can't handle reality. I want to hear a Limp Bizkit song on the radio without having to endure the pauses that don't belong there because somebody can't handle a four letter word, I want to watch a decent movie on TV and have it in it's completed form, not with scenes cut out, and dialogue redubbed. What's the point of showing Showgirls on cable, how much of that movie will actually get passed the censors??
Just move out! Join the 21st century! I'm so fucking pissed at you. Yes you, the moron in the cave, GET OUT!
This public service announcement was brought to you by the fine people at Dammitol Industries: When you just can't take it anymore, Dammitol works wonders. We now return to regularly scheduled programming
Done with school. Here's the rundown: Got that A in the one class with the half page paper, even without extra credit, secured B's in those two classes where that was the highest grade to get, and I am hopefully on my way to an A in my history. However, that bitch I have for my class with the 6 page paper gave me a 79 on it, and it is NOT a C paper. It did have some organization problems, but the content was right on, and I proved I was fluent in the topic. She thinks that she can be an English teacher, must be her dream. Oh well I guess one shouldn't take a Sociology of Gender class if you are a guy, chances are the teacher is going to be a feminist and favorable only to the members of the same sex. I hate her
So because of the incident way back in February and another unrelated incident which I don't wish to discuss, I have been informed that I am on University and Contract probation, meaning I have to not have any more problems or else I can be kicked out of both the dorms and the University.
I am mad at myself, and ashamed at myself that I acted so stupidly and brought all this on myself. When this stuff happened in February and after I talked to the police I thought it was done with, but then last week I got a letter from Student Life asking to talk to me about this stuff (Boy are they quick). It really stressed me out cause I thought it was already dealt with. Damn. I hate learning stuff this way
Here Comes Peter Cotton Tail, Hopping Down the Bunny Trail
Happy Religious Observance of your Choice. Only Two and a half weeks of school left. And no one has expressed any sort of similiar sentiments about the war or Bush. I thought there would be more liberal minded, conspiracy theorists running amok. Alas, Alas.
This is fun! Writing song titles as titles of the posts is absurd fun with no other purpose other than to please me. So I got some flak for expressing my Anti-war, Anti-Bush sentiments, and they have the right to express their opinion. I'll just be glad when we can return to the State of Normal, wherever the Hell it is.
School is winding down, finished my 6 pager for the semester, and now all I have is a half page required paper, and some extra cred stuff to get me an A in that class. I'm still hoping to make this the fourth consecutive Dean's List semester, but the stress of the war and everything else has taken it's toll and I'm not doing so well in other classes as I would like, so the finals are going to be an uphill battle for me, but Summer Vacation is near, and I am psyched! ROAD TRIP!!!
P.S. If someone agrees with my views or wishes to take the "Operation Love Me Daddy" further, continue to do so as it is a free country
One more thing on the war, I think it is a sad attempt for Dubyah to get some sort of love, attention, admiration from his daddy that he didn't get in the past. Clinton may have been a shitty president, but he didn't act on Iraq not because of cowardice, but because he didn't see a threat nor a reason, and I still think W. is a love sick child who wants Daddy to be proud of him
Why isn't this fucking Prozac working? I have spent the past three days sullen and depressed, and have had periods in which I have just broken down crying. NAU is such a den of ill-feelings, I feel as though the whole Goddamn world is against me. This school is where it all began, the prominensence in my problems. It wasn't until I was out of the house and on my own in a sense that I couldn't get things together: I've made fewer friends, have had more people ditch me, and I think at times the girls can get mean with their rejection statements. Relationships also last longer if you're lucky enough to have one, so I guess that means that I will never be able to go out with this girl I really like.
Am I ever going to get better?
Is it even worth trying?
I think I am going to die unhappy and alone, and a virgin, which I guess in the grand scheme of things is a stupid thing to be depressed about. God this plane of existence is a shitty one.
"It wasn't meant to be" the five shittiest words in the English language, and is up there along with "You're aren't my type" and "I'm seeing someone" as the worst phrases of all time. Once again, someone I wanted to go out with "wasn't meant to be." You have to love God's sense of humor, he deposits us here on the rock and doesn't gvie us a pertinent instruction manual, just the archaic one known as "The Bible". So why does it seem like some people swim with the sharks and people like me are going against the current and end up getting shoved into jagged rocks. I want to see this "Meant to be" handbook so I can realize what is "meant to be" in my life and spare me all this stupid painful shit that happens day in day out.
The quiz is from Reader's Digest, but no peeking you cheater
1. Where can anybody but you sit?
2. Why would a cleaning person perfer to wash a mirror than a window of the same size assuming both are easily accessible?
3. How can you throw a ball so it will reverse direction and return to you without the ball bouncing against or touching any solid object?
4. Your bed and a light switch are 15 feet apart. Without using any object or mechanical device -- no pole, no remote switch -- how can you turn off the light and get into bed before the room is dark?
5. Rusty's Montana cabin is almost buried in snow and the temperature is 25 below zero. Rusty's eyes move from the single match he has in his hand to a candle, an oil lamp, and a fireplace with kindling --all ready to be lit. What does he light first?
6. What common mechanized trasnports in NYC (120,000 of them) carry three times as many passangers daily as all the city's subways, trains, buses, cars, and taxis combined?
7. Why didn't William Howard Taft run for a third term as President?
8. What is cowhide chiefly used for?
9. Can you rearrange these letters into one long word: doornonegwl?
10. If Betsy Ross were living today, what would she be most noted for
What the hell, winner gets a cookie too, possibly pie
So we launched a first strike against Saddam and didn't seem to do anything except kill a few Iraqi soldiers and further alienate the world from us. Am I the only one thinking striaght. What is wrong with Bush's mind? Has he been psychological cleared to run the country because I think he has a few screws loose, but that could just be my opinion. I know that Wil is against the war and he is receiving no end to the amount of flak people are giving him for being anti-war. Gee, I thought that this was a country based on freedom of opinion, I could be wrong though *sarcasm* I think that a majority of people in places of power are ignorant, stupid, and/or crazy. Bush is all three. Iraq will still be there, and short of nuking the place, there will always be some crazy messed up person to take Saddam's place of leader, how do we expect to win this damn thing exactly. "If it bleeds it leads" as the news slogan goes, and yes it seems that ABC, CBS, NBC, and CNN etc has taken five minutes worth of news information and has decided to expand it to a full day coverage, including a timeline of Iraq. Frankly I'd rather watch a Barney/SpongeBob/Godawful tubing marathon rather than watch these talking heads. I'm going to leave this planet and start a new colony as soon as I collect labor and about 6 billion dollars, so send donations to me c/o The Ark, and hopefully we can make it out in time
Whooo! Spring Break! Guess what I did! YARD WORK! WOO! At least I got paid hourly by my Dad this time instead of monthly, so that was a much better incentive, and I actually did work. Sure I was only out there for two hours and some change, but I did work. I managed to pull out small trees with my bare hands like Hercules! Well, ok I'm exaggerating, they were actually weeds, but they were huge.
Well I was going to have a Reader's Digest Quiz but I lost it, so the first person to answer this one question gets a shout out
Every have one of those dreams that makes you wonder what the Hell is going on here? I had one of those the other day, I was at the local dining hall asking someone to make me pasta, and then all of the sudden I was on the other side of the counter. I have no idea what the point of the dream was!
As for dreams, in the goals sense, there are some of those that you have, but the mere idea of them is depressing because you know that you don't have a chance of them happening. Like my dreams of meeting Britney, Emma, or Eliza and actually dating them perhaps, I know that I have a better chance of getting hit by a small meteorite. *sigh*
Had my heart crushed lately, I think I've gotten to the point that I am used to it, and that I go into any question of dating with that philosophy in mind, perhaps this sends some of vibe off that women pick up on. Why do women have to be mysterious? I think solving the mystery is now more of an annoyance, as opposed to an adventure.
NO midterms for me, but everyone I know has several, so I guess I have luck in certain situations, just not the ones I care about: Relationships and money.
And this is a hit and a half for you ass, had a tarot reading down, and it turns out my relationships in the future are going to exist, but they are gonna suck for the most part.
Wil "Head Monkey" Wheaton has had nightmares lately, and we should all send him some anti-nightmare mojo so he get some sleep. So pop over to the post on the subject here
I just want to be "normal." To take everything back. Start over. Fresh Slate. Tabula Rasa.
Surprise: Today wasn't one of my best. It seems that even with the medication stupid things build up and are joined by the ongoing things that are plaguing me. It's stupid when you get down because no one agrees with you, and you feel alone on your viewpoint. It's stupid to yell at your roommate because he's one of the ones that contradicts you. It' stupid to get upset when you lose twice at a gameshow, and not being heard. It's also stupid to try to talk to someone about your day by mentioning suicide, because the cops come. I know this first hand. Honestly, I am a moron, and I have to work on not speaking before I think. I just need God. I wonder if he's still listening to me after all the times I lost my temper at him.
Last couple of posts have been short, so I figured I would entertain you all with a substantial longer post. Do you ever get this feeling that the Person, the Entity, the God, the One who Pulls the Strings is a masochist? I don't know anything anymore. I have almost exhausted all prospects of my life being controlled by fate, luck, or destiny. I seriously hope that my destiny is the one that gets talked about at all the Higher Being conventions "Hey G, look how much I can fuck with this guy's life"
I guess part of the question boils down too: Am I a bad person? Do I deserve what I am being served? I'm a complex person, and I am not the first person to come to that line of thinking. On the exterior I am very polite, a nice guy, etc. I remain confident that this is not a front: I am not a Dr. Evil, or a Dr. Wiley, or some other maniac plotting for world domination. Are all my misfortunes due to the times that I have lied, judged others, or is it something else? Is it possibly that the Once Me's actions determine my present status the basics of Karma. It is a very difficult and philisophical question to ask, and alas I am not one to answer it.
Do good things lie in my future, so I look forward to them, or should I learn to find contentness in my sordid state of affairs?
Words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated, any negative comments will not. THIS MEANS YOU Mr. "MAYBE YOU'LL DIE"
It's been SOOO LONG since I last updated. Me so lazy! I bought a Playstation 2 with my Xmas money, and that coupled with all the computer games I got left me with some time killers. Now unfortunately, school hast started back up again, and that has killed a majority of my time. The bastard morons at the Job cut my hours in half and are making me prepare food, which is something I told them I did not want to do, so it is time to take up the Quest for the Holy Grail of Jobs. Wish me luck on that front. Hopefully, I'll be hearing soon from one of my old friends.
UPDATE: I've been ditched AGAIN by another friend. FUCK FUCK FUCK! He couldn't have hung up the phone any faster than he did
Anyway I am home for the threeday weekend since I realized that I forgot notebooks and paper which are kinda necessary to do well in school :P
It also provided an excuse to miss the evil staff meeting at work. Who in there right mind would schedule a meeting at 8 pm on a Sunday during a threeday weekend and expect Attendence to be mandatory. This is definately prompting me to get a new job.
Classes are mixed at the moment, of the 5 classes, one of them consists of three tests, no cumulative final, no extra work, no extra credit. Two of them consists of three tests, no other work, no cumulative final, and only fiftteen extra credit points. One is the Bitch. Three tests (one of them a cumulative final), a hefty research paper and smaller assignments (Welcome to College I suppose). The final class has four projects, and four tests, but no cumulative final. I hope I don't have a lot on my mind like I did last semester.
